When clothes go bad

As I was putting away some washing last night (one of my least favourite things to do, alongside hanging up socks to dry - dulldulldull), I realised there were quite a few things about clothes that annoy me. So I thought I'd share them with you, in the hope that maybe there are other people out there who get disproportionately irritated by similar ridiculous, totally trivial things:

Clothing that's out to get me

• Coats without hooks with which to hang them up - where are they supposed to go? There's no room in my wardrobe and no space in my hallway for a fancy coat stand.
• Skinny jeans that are too big at the waist and gape at the back. The smaller size won't go over my thighs and wearing a belt just makes the waistband bunch up. Annoying.
• Tights that start to inch their way down your crotch as you walk along the street, leaving you with three options: grin and bear it until you get to a place where you can discreetly pull them up; waddle along uncomfortably with such an awkward gait and frustrated grimace that you scare small children; or throw dignity to the wind and hoik up your hosiery in full public glare like some mad old granny.
• Leggings that bag at the knee after you've sat down in them more than once, making you appear to have oversized kneecaps. Attractive.
• Sweaters that bobble under the armpits due to arm-chafing. Looks like you're cultivating a crop of miniature fur balls.
• Coats that are ever-so-slightly too tight on the arms, so that the sleeves of your top are always forced uncomfortably up under your armpits every time you put said coat on - ooh, and while I'm at it, thin-knit cardigans with the same problem: sleeves too fitted so that the top you're wearing underneath rolls up and leaves a big bulge underneath. Hate.

• Any item with a detail - buttons, bows, belts, ruching - at the back of it that's positioned just in the wrong place, so that it digs into your spine every time you lean against the back of a chair. Didn't they do a test run?
• Skirts that twist around during the day, so that the seam/zip/back split ends up at the front and makes you look like a crazy woman who got dressed in the dark.
• Trousers that are ever so slightly too tapered at the ankle. They look great when you're walking around, but once you decide to stand up from a sitting position, they cling to your mid calf like a needy toddler, so that you are forced to bend over and pull them back into place. Every. Time. You. Stand. Up. Argh...
• Long necklaces that decide to slide secretly to one side during the day, neatly lassoing one breast and thus demanding everyone's attention is drawn solely to that area: 'AND HERE IS MY LEFT BREAST, EVERYONE!'

Ah, that's better. Right, enough complaining, it is Friday after all. Back next week!