Shopping Diet: (noun) Applying a healthy non-buying regime to your daily activities, in order to battle the bulge (of receipts in your purse). Involves denial of Essential Items, Key Pieces and Bloody Bargains.
Wardrobe Feeder: (noun) Someone who threatens the success of your shopping diet by tempting you to fall into Buying Territory, in ways such as pointing out Key Pieces, Bloody Bargains and garments that apparently look like they were "Made for you".
Picture the scene. You’re at Shopaholics Anonymous, regaling the group with how you’ve been dry for almost a month, and they all applaud your retail willpower and bargain-buying abstinence, only for you to then shamefacedly admit that you’d given in to temptation the day before and fallen off the wagon, snapping up a couple of bargains having once again been ensnared by that mischevious trap that goes by the name of Purchase Justification. So while your angelic, halo-wearing Non-Shopping side is yelling “You’ve done so well, don’t spoil it now!”, your devilish Buy It side is shouting “Ooh, but it’s so cheap, you’ll never find anything like it again”, winning you over, spinning tales of that discount you’ll get if you open the store card, and stories about cost per wear and all those soundbites that slip out so easily when you Just. Need. To. Buy. It.
And it’s bad enough when you’re out shopping alone, trying to resist all the treasures and bargains and designer lookalikes and So On Trend pieces that seem to be mercilessly teasing you when you’re on a shopping diet. But when you’re out with a Wardrobe Feeder – a shopping buddy who oohs and ahhs at everything you pick up, appreciatively eyeing the garments you hold up to yourself and applying logic to every price tag, rationalising your purchases for you, you’ve got no chance. Because YOU know you want to buy it, SHE knows you want to buy it, and instead of warning you about your overdraft and how, with that one purchase, you could buy food for the week, she makes the idea of handing over the cash seem downright sensible. Damn those Wardrobe Feeders!
Although, be honest; that’s exactly why you took her shopping with you – because she’ll assuage the guilt and make you feel giggly and mischevious rather than hating yourself for buying something you know you can’t afford and don’t need. Let’s face it, if you’d wanted to be reminded of all the reasons you shouldn’t buy something, you’d have gone shopping with your husband.
Diet starts again tomorrow.
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